Unexpected

She has a lot of roles - confidant, therapist, scolder, listener, sister, disciplinarian, ego-booster - but Shubha's primarily role is my best friend. I met Shubha during my last year at UCLA. I was a senior finishing up my language requirements in Hindi and she was a freshman. I don't remember if we hit it off right away (she has a better memory than I do) but she soon became my homework buddy. When I graduated, Shubha and I kept in touch because our lives always seemed to run parallel. When I had relationship problems, so did she. When I needed advice on academic or family stuff, she did too. And now we are both completing our PhDs. We created a bond from sameness.

Shubha is still the only person who "sees" me. She hears the tremors in my voice when I'm worried or scared or just abnormal (occurring too often these days). She can fix my confused states of mind with one suggestion. She can sense the shifts in my life before I can. And she knows all remedies. (And yes, she exists in real life!) I'm beyond thankful for her of course. We often joke about sending each other window-sized thank you cards. But all hahas aside, I feel so ridiculously blessed. It is so incredibly important to connect with people. Not just to talk to them about the weather or wish them luck with an exam, but really take down the various faces we wear and just be completely ourselves - vulnerable, awkward, unclear.

I've always been really threatened and upset by departure. I hate when important everyday things leave my life. I mourned for four days at the loss of some curious george stickers in grade school. I almost threw a funeral ceremony when I had to retire my most comfortable pajama bottoms. And loved ones - grandparents, friends, boyfriends - were unbearable losses. Now its time to count the gifts. The vodka tonic glass is half full right? So many things in my life have found their way to me when I needed them most. I didn't know I needed them, didn't really know why they came when they did, but hindsight (that miserable know-it-all) makes me really grateful that the unexpected has magically (miraculously) found its way to me. Thanks Shubha (yes, I know how inadequate that sounds).